Never has Riverdale been more hot and bothered than in season 7, episode 3.
Damn, that was a horny episode of Riverdale. Somehow they outdid their actual swinger’s party episode with an innocent “real life make-out party,” and I am fully here for all of it. You can really feel the final season energy in Riverdale season 7, and it seems like they’re really giving it their all in every single episode. It’s made for an amazing season so far!
On top of literally all the sex in Riverdale season 7, episode 3, they even managed to sprinkle in a little of Riverdale’s signature mystery, making this the strongest episode of the season so far. The last episode ended with that big Ethel cliffhanger, so this week they were really able to get back to the heart of the series.
Let’s start where it really all started, and obviously that’s with Toni’s provocative “poetry.” Cheryl was far from the only one who had her berries “razzed” by the incredible performance, with everyone’s eyes being opened to a whole new world of possibilities. Toni and Kingsley’s Guide to Human Sexuality were like a beacon of light for the characters in Riverdale season 7, episode 3. Except for Kevin, of course. Kevin was just so moved by Clay’s “incredible writing.”
Cheryl was, however, the only one who had to ask her eager escort to take her home. It was so funny to see Archie so excited to get into Cheryl’s pants in Riverdale season 7, episode 3, knowing what we know about them in the future. All it took was a little encouragement and he went full southern charm on her. Maybe Veronica needs to get Smithers to take a page from Julian’s playbook.
Sadly, Cheryl’s fear of her own “unnatural proclivities” made her go way deeper with Archie than she had any desire to, but I actually liked the scene before they went “all the way.” They were both able to remove at least a bit of their façade and open up to each other, and I hope Archie is able to help Cheryl establish her identity and that this leads to a deeper friendship for them in the future. Of course, I very much did not like that all of this took place in front of Varchie’s sacred fireplace, but there’s still plenty of time for them to take it back before Riverdale season 7 is over.
Meanwhile, V was getting cozy with the most unexpected of choices, Jughead Jones! Veronica leads with her femininity and sensuality in a way that I doubt she’s ever really gotten to be friends with a guy before dating him, so I really wouldn’t hate this for her. They had such a cute conversation, getting excited about horror movies, and I would actually love to see more of this dynamic. Whether it remains friendly or buds into something more, it would be cool to explore this more.
Although, it certainly wasn’t Jughead that Veronica was dreaming about during that steamy-as-hell montage. Archie was booked and busy during that whole scene, with Betty and Veronica both fully diving in to their feelings for him. Honestly, KJ’s 50s vibe is so adorable I’m starting to understand it more than ever. That boner scene in Betty’s bedroom was peak TV. It was just so fun to see some of the old couples together again, and there was even a nod to Kevin’s old cruising days!
There is one of the OG flames that has yet to rekindle, but there was the tiniest bit of hope sparked in Riverdale season 7, episode 3. I got so excited when Betty caught those keys to go to Ethel’s house at the same time Jughead was set to go there, thinking we were going to go right back to them solving mysteries together, but unfortunately that’s not how it played out. However, we did get a little Bughead kiss to hold us over! That had better not be the only nod we get all season, though.
The mystery solving side of Betty’s personality has yet to emerge in Riverdale season 7, but the mystery element of the show is now alive and well! It turns out both of Ethel’s parents were stabbed to death, and she’s convinced that the “milk man” did it. Coincidentally, or more likely not, that was also the exact storyline of one of her favorite Pep comics.
You guys, did you see that pan to Hal Cooper’s face when the “milk man” song was playing? He’s totally the killer! No wonder he’s so upset that Ethel is staying in his house. That’s a little too close for comfort, even for the infamous Black Hood.
Unfortunately, the police aren’t seeing it that way yet, and due to Ethel and Jughead’s sketchy behavior, they are officially suspects. Normally I’d say Jughead could definitely solve his way out of this one, but can he do it without his favorite, Nancy Drew loving partner in crime? Also, after some quick researching I determined that Nancy Drew was, in fact, around in the 1950s, so it could come into play at some point. Betty had better discover those books quickly before Ethel and Jughead go down for this crime!